What To Do When You Have a Values Clash With Your Boss

A version of this article was published in my March column on Troy Media.

There are so many leadership lessons lurking in the events that have plagued the Canadian political landscape over the past few weeks it is hard to know where to start. Leadership lessons that emerge from crises are easy pickings; they are so obvious and it is so easy to be self-righteous.  A much tougher question is, what on earth do you do when you are on the other side of the equation - when you have a values clash with your boss? 

I have most certainly been in situations where I was expected to do something or go along with something or support something I felt compromised my own values and beliefs.  It is a horrible, uncomfortable place to be.  I suspect many of us have been in that situation in our professional lives.  Typical advice reeks of platitudes: ‘stand up for what you believe in!’.  There are times when that is easier - what is being asked of you clearly violates the law, company policy or principles, or ethical codes.  But not everything is so black and white.  And it is not always so easy.  I think that is why we are quick to recognize and applaud someone who has the courage to stand up for what they believe in, regardless of the consequences.   

Here is my best advice for approaching, and resolving, this sticky situation.

1. Pause and acknowledge people hold different values and it doesn’t necessarily make them bad people.  It is really important to differentiate between what is a law, rule, ethical principle and organization value, and what is a personal value.  Personal values are often hot-button issues for us, and I frequently see values clashes as an underlying reason for interpersonal conflict at work.  The reality is, people can hold different values.  As an example, for a friend of mine, family always takes priority.  When asked to do something that will result in breaking a commitment she has made to one of her kids, she will always say no.  Her husband, on the other hand, is more likely to re-organize his family commitments to respond to other requests when he sees them as equally important.  They have different values.  Happily, they accept that about each other.    
   
2. Express what is making you uncomfortable in a values-neutral way.  There is a difference between saying “I believe what we are doing is wrong and I refuse to participate” and “I accept this is the decision that was made, however, I personally don’t feel comfortable following through with it.  Can we discuss how to handle this?”  The first response is obviously going to get someone’s back up and put you in an adversarial situation.  The second communicates angst and solicits support.  The authoritarian, ‘you do this or else’,  leadership style is thankfully pretty rare these days.  Most managers, when confronted by a team member who is in distress, will want to try and help.  As a first step, you have to communicate, and communicate in a way that makes others willing to understand your dilemma. 
   
3. Avoid zero-sum games and look for alternative solutions.  In the same way you shouldn’t expect your boss to present you with an ultimatum, you should also avoid presenting your own ultimatums over values-based issues.  There are often alternative solutions to resolving values clashes - perhaps someone else completes a task or takes on a responsibility.  This recently happened to Jan, who was told to terminate someone after they made a costly mistake.  Jan strongly believed the company was not being fair, and the right thing to do was to give the person a second chance.  When he discussed with his boss how difficult it was going to be for him to follow through on something that was, for him, a real values disagreement, she was actually very sympathetic.  She knew Jan could fire someone - that was not the issue.  Instead of just saying ‘too bad, that’s your job,’ she actually offered to be the one to deliver the bad news to Jan's team member.  The situation was resolved, Jan was relieved, and his boss had the opportunity to display leadership and compassion.  

The reality is, the more diverse and inclusive our workplaces are, the more likely it is we will bump into disagreements along values lines. Recognizing them, acknowledging them and addressing them openly and respectfully will help us create healthy teams and organizations where we all feel welcome.