A version of this article was first published in my monthly column for Troy Media.
This weekend I was admiring a burst of tulips in the back garden. I commented on how striking they were. My husband commented on how they were ill-placed. Irritated by his lack of appreciation for the riot of colour, I grabbed a pair of scissors, snipped them off and announced he would no longer need to be annoyed by their poor placement. At that moment, I completely lost my ability to self-regulate. Self-regulators do not stomp into the garden and clip tulips just because someone suggests they are planted in a poor location.
It is difficult, at this moment in time, to argue that the ability to self-regulate is one of the most important success factors in work and in life. There are examples of leaders around us who are impulsive and imprudent. But I think they stand out because they are the exception rather than the rule. In most instances, the ability to demonstrate consistent and mature control over emotions and impulses will help us succeed.
What is self-regulation and why is it so important?
Self-regulation allows us to set aside our immediate emotional reactions and choose how we want to respond to situations. It directs us to be nice when we could be surly, to restrain ourselves when we could let loose, to pause before we do something stupid. It helps us sit back when we might be tempted to dominate, choose our words carefully when conflict is in the air, and show patience when we are tested. At its essence, self-regulation helps us present our best selves during our potentially worst moments. The ability to be selective in our response can mean the difference between building bridges and burning bridges.
Self-awareness is at the heart of self control.
Without being aware of ourselves, what we are thinking and how we are reacting, it is impossible to choose or change how we respond to people or events. This idea goes back a long way in human history. To quote Plato, “The first and most important victory is over ourselves.” One of the unique features of human consciousness is our ability to observe ourselves in thought and in action. Philosophies like Stoicism and Buddhism incorporate this act of self-observation (and self control) as a key principle and practice. It is also at the core of mindfulness meditation, which has taken western culture and workplaces by storm.
Objectivity helps us over-ride our impulses. Humans have very big brains, but also very sensitive emotional wiring. We develop ‘hot buttons’ - beliefs, associations and attachments to things that bypass our brains and trigger our emotional impulses. ‘Cognitive distancing’ is the process of stepping back and shifting into self-observation. From this neutral place we can observe what we are thinking, how our brain is processing, and reflect on our emotional reactions. When someone says ‘you need to be more objective and not take this so personally’, this is what they are suggesting we do. When we don’t take advantage of our ability to step back, our emotional triggers can ignite and we end up saying or doing something we regret.
We have the power to choose how we respond. Psychotherapist Viktor E. Frankl said it powerfully: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” We have all had the experience of reacting to something without thinking, and then regretting it. Like me, you have probably apologized once or twice for something you said or did in the heat of the action. If we operate from a place of awareness, we are in a position to take advantage of the space between stimulus and response, and choose how we want to react. We have the luxury of considering options, and their implications. We can take thoughtful, positive actions and avoid the career- or relationship-limiting ones.
Self-regulation puts us firmly in the driver’s seat of our own life. It isn’t easy. It takes practice. We aren’t always going to get it right. But we can get better at it.
For those interested in building up self-regulation, there are a number of best-selling resources including Michael Singer’s The Untethered Soul, the works of author and Stoic Ryan Holiday, and Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now.
Are You Listening to the Wrong People? How to Reduce the Chances of Making a Decision You Will Regret
A version of this article was posted in my April column at Troy Media.
Last month my column was inspired by the political maelstrom created by the SNC-Lavalin affair. A month has passed, the storm continues to swirl. I am inspired, once again, to draw on this situation as a leadership learning opportunity. There have been no shortage of ‘what were they thinking?’ moments, causing us to wonder about the quality of the decisions being made.
We all face difficult situations. The question is, how do we do an appropriate level of due diligence before making a high-impact decision? The more complex and nuanced the issue, the less likely there are clear-cut right and wrong answers. We can never guarantee we will always make the ‘right’ decision. We can, however, increase the likelihood of making good decisions through robust due diligence, and then anticipating and preparing for the consequences of our decisions.
There are some typical decision-making traps we can all fall into, and ways to avoid them.
Failing to recognize, early on, the importance, scope, or complexity of an issue. We are all moving quickly and juggling a lot of balls. Sometimes it feels like we are on auto-pilot, moving from one crisis to the next. When we don’t slow down and intentionally engage our brains, we run the risk of overlooking something really important. This is exacerbated when we have a job where everything we are dealing with is big and complex, or when we are confronting something for the first time and don’t have lessons of experience to draw from. Strategies for avoiding this trap include:
Limiting decision-making inputs. While we all agree there is “strength in diversity”, most of us are not very good at actioning it. We tend to fall back on a small group of advisors and confidantes, even when we can anticipate the advice we are likely to get. When the stakes are high, it can be emotionally reassuring to hear familiar perspectives from those we trust. However, we can fool ourselves into believing that hearing different perspectives is the same as hearing diverse perspectives. To maximize diversity of inputs and cast new light on an issue:
Forgetting to plan for the consequences. Too often we focus on making the best possible decision under the circumstances, and then move on. The reality is, every critical decision has consequences we will have to deal with. When we don’t stop to think about what dominos could fall, we are unprepared to respond to them. There are times when how we respond to events is even more significant than the decision itself. In his book Farsighted: How We Make the Decisions That Matter the Most, author Steven Johnson talks about using a pre-mortem before making a critical decision. This is a strategy for imagining and anticipating the full range of potential consequences that could occur so we can plan for them, or even use those insights to reconsider our decision.
Doing a poor job of delegating decision-making. As leaders, we have to delegate responsibility for decision-making to others. Leaders can struggle with which decisions they should be making, and which they should be farming out. Some leaders exercise too much control and want to make every decision, even when they lack important insight or expertise (the micromanagers). Others exercise too little oversight, leaving others to flap in the wind and make critical calls on their behalf (the absentee landlords). Both situations can lead to problems in high-stakes situations. As a leader, it is important you get clear on where you need to be operating.
We are all confronted with difficult and complicated decisions, the consequences of which can have long-lasting impacts. How we approach them can make all the difference.
A version of this article was published in my March column on Troy Media.
There are so many leadership lessons lurking in the events that have plagued the Canadian political landscape over the past few weeks it is hard to know where to start. Leadership lessons that emerge from crises are easy pickings; they are so obvious and it is so easy to be self-righteous. A much tougher question is, what on earth do you do when you are on the other side of the equation - when you have a values clash with your boss?
I have most certainly been in situations where I was expected to do something or go along with something or support something I felt compromised my own values and beliefs. It is a horrible, uncomfortable place to be. I suspect many of us have been in that situation in our professional lives. Typical advice reeks of platitudes: ‘stand up for what you believe in!’. There are times when that is easier - what is being asked of you clearly violates the law, company policy or principles, or ethical codes. But not everything is so black and white. And it is not always so easy. I think that is why we are quick to recognize and applaud someone who has the courage to stand up for what they believe in, regardless of the consequences.
Here is my best advice for approaching, and resolving, this sticky situation.
A version of this article was first published in my monthly column for Troy Media
I Used to Write for Sports Illustrated. Now I Deliver Packages for Amazon is a brilliant article by Austin Murphy in the December 2018 issue of The Atlantic. Mr. Murphy articulates his personal career journey as a result of being in an industry disrupted by technology. What really resonated for me about his story was his transformation from shame to pride. Somehow, he found his way to seeing his new job as rigorous, challenging, fun, and something he strives to excel at. He discovered he can be - and has the right to be - proud of the job he does, whatever that job is.
After reading Mr. Murphy’s article, I found myself paying more attention to people doing their jobs. I noticed Jack, the cashier in Winners, whose attentiveness elicited a spontaneous “you should be in customer service” comment from a customer. He paused and beamed up at her, “thank you. I think customer service is my thing.” He clearly takes pride in what he does, and it shows. I contrast this with the bored, lackadaisical barista at my local coffee shop. While she is voluntarily employed in a service job, she clearly feels no pride in what she does and it also shows.
Is it important to feel pride in what you do?
According to researcher and author of Pride: The Secret of Success, Dr. Jessica Tracy, it is. Pride is a primary, universal human emotion and closely linked to self-esteem. As human beings, we are programmed to feel and express pride. I heard Dr. Tracy speak recently, and her ideas caused me to wonder, do we spend enough time thinking about how to maximize our opportunities to feel pride? We are really focused on being happy. Happy is good. But what about pride? How might we transform ourselves and our experience of life if we felt more pride? Since most of us spend the better part of our days working, it seems to me we ought to think about how we can maximize our opportunities to experience pride in our work.
How to experience more pride at work
One main source of pride is accomplishing or achieving something. For an athlete, winning a gold medal is a moment of pride. For a child, learning to tie one’s own shoes is also a moment of pride. Work provides an endless array of opportunities for achievement, sometimes large and often small. There are a number of ways to increase opportunities to feel pride:
This article is adapted from my HR column on Troy Media at http://troymedia.com/2019/01/14/radical-strategies-work-collaboration/
The ability to collaborate with others is a ‘must have’ skill to be successful in work. It doesn’t matter if you are a project manager, a self-employed editor or the Chief Financial Officer, part of your success is probably going to hinge on how well you can work with colleagues. Our work world is a complex system with lots of inter-related people and parts that need to work together if we are to get things done and deliver on our goals. Working easily and fluidly with others is simply how things get done in the 21st century.
What is collaboration? Collaboration has become a catch-all phrase to encompass a whole range of activities and behaviours that relate to our ability to interact and work with other people. Fundamental to collaboration is the ability to establish and maintain constructive, genuine, healthy relationships. Some questions you might ask yourself to test your collaboration skills include:
Radical ideas for better collaboration. I recently read the book Real Love, Sharon Salzberg’s guide to applying Buddhist philosophy in order to experience greater love and acceptance of oneself, and others. It struck me how applicable many of the key principles are to collaboration in the workplace. To be truly successful at collaborating with others requires more than just switching up a few habits. I believe it requires a different - radically different - mindset.
Serving on a not-for-profit Board can be an energizing and fulfilling experience. You will learn a lot - about yourself, about leadership, about working with others - while giving back to your community and supporting a cause you care about. But Board work isn’t for everyone. Here are 6 questions to ask yourself before you commit.
If you answered ‘yes’ to these questions you are well-prepared for the commitment you are making and the organization is really fortunate to have you. If you didn’t, you might want to pause for the moment.
A version of this article was first published on Troy Media at www.troymedia.com/2016/12/30/improve-life-2017/
I am one of those people who relish the opportunity to reflect on the year and give thought to what I want to be different going forward. I gave up making actual resolutions years ago; like everyone else, my follow through was short-lived and ended in disappointment. But I do like to experiment with new habits and practices that might improve my life. When I find things that work for me, it is amazing how many of them actually stick over time. My ideas for how to improve my life don’t spontaneously pop into my brain. Rather, they trickle in through things I read, conversations I have, podcasts I listen to. In reviewing my 2016 journal and the experiments I’ve tried, below are my top 5 suggestions for how you might improve your life, too.
This weekend I am facilitating a board strategy retreat. “Let me be clear, I don’t do strategic planning,” I stressed when I got the call. The Chair assured me they were not looking for a strategic planning expert. Instead, they were looking for someone who is really good at reading and shaping interpersonal dynamics to facilitate an important conversation about growth and help the board align around a decision. With that proviso in place, I agreed to support them.
This request got me thinking more deeply about where and how psychology collides with governance. In the same way organizations have embraced and applied behavioural science to support strategic and business goals, it is perhaps time we applied this expertise in the boardroom. The idea of bringing a business psychologist, or another professional skilled in interpersonal and group dynamics, into a governance context does not originate with me. Over the past few years I have had a number of people suggest the work I do is badly needed in our boardrooms. I see at least three key reasons for this.
There was a time when boards were secret societies operating behind closed doors. Those days are long gone. It is time boards gave serious and strategic consideration to the ways and means at their disposal for accelerating and maximizing their own effectiveness. All this to say, it may be time for you to invite a psychologist into your boardroom.
A version of this blog was first published on Troy Media.
A version of this article was first published on Troy Media www.troymedia.com/2016/09/11/stop-outsourcing-leadership-development/
If you ask a successful leader to recall his or her most impactful development experience, chances are it happened while on the job engaged in real work. This was reinforced on a recent project designed to help organizations transfer and retain the business-critical knowledge of retiring baby boomers (a copy of the report can be downloaded at apgst.ca/projects/pdfs/APGST-KnowledgeTransfer-Report-2016-WEB.pdf). Interviews with over 40 successful, long-tenured leaders confirmed the best development takes place on the job. For example, an assignment that stretches one’s personal resources; the opportunity to work side-by-side with a mentor; struggling and succeeding with a challenging project. While we have long known that most development happens in the workplace, we continue to rely on external, formal training to build leadership capability. There are 5 key reasons to shift away from traditional leadership training and development and turn your focus toward helping employees develop critical skills and capabilities while they work.
This article was inspired by a 10-month project sponsored by APGST that took a deep-dive look at how organizations can transfer and retain critical knowledge as baby boomers exit the workplace in record numbers. This project reinforced for me that importance of embedded learning as a critical leadership development approach. A full biography of research that informed my recommendations can be found in the final report, which is a resource guide for HR practitioners and leaders on how to engage in critical knowledge transfer.
Minerva just released their second annual diversity scorecard for BC companies and the findings are nothing short of disappointing. We have had a civil public conversation about diversity and inclusion thus far. We’ve sympathized, empathized and agreed change takes time. White men need the opportunity to adjust to sharing power; the rest of us need time to develop the competence to exert power. Being nice about this has gotten us, well, not very far. Is it time to call a spade a spade? Is it time we confronted the hard truth that many of those in power don’t want to share and will put up any and every barrier to stop the rest of us from joining their exclusive club, for as long as they can? The evidence suggests that, if inclined, organizations can fast-track inclusion efforts. An example is Ritchie Bros. Auctioneers who, in the last 12 months, have added 3 women to its executive team and just appointed a second woman to their board, which is chaired by a woman.
While it is easy to become despondent, we need to reflect on and remember just how much progress we have made as a society in providing each of us with the opportunity and support to step forward and contribute equally. But we still have some barriers to break down, and we need to get moving. This is what I believe will help us make real progress in advancing diversity.